Rights of the husband over the wife
Today’s reminder is on the rights of the Husband over the wife
Dear brothers, we follow on from last weeks reminder of the rights of the wife over the husband. This week’s reminder is on the rights we have over our wives.
Firstly, a reminder from last week. The imam had spoken of the 21st ayat of Sura Ar-Rum which is translated to say:
And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.
As we concluded last week, we are to be inspirational leaders for our spouses and our families and so todays reminder should not conflict with that responsibility placed on us by Allah SWT. We need to be able to strike a balance between what is expected of us as husbands and what we can expect from our wives.
And so what does it mean to have the rights over one’s wife?
One of these rights is to listen to him, support him and protect his wealth and home in his absence. The Prophet SAWS is reported to have said:
“Each of you is a shepherd and each of you is responsible for his flock. The imam who is over the people is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock; a man is a shepherd in charge of the inhabitants of his household and he is responsible for his flock; a woman is a shepherdess in charge of her husband’s house and children and she is responsible for them”
Another hadith was mentioned relating to this which says:
“When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of paradise she wishes.”
And dear brothers, this leads us onto an important point which is worth mentioning. Often we can be guilty of subjecting our wives to things that are not permissible for us to ask for.
Our wives, for example, are not hired help or maids. We are not to overburden them with chores or responsibilities. Nor are they the carers of our parents, this is not their responsibility either but ours and they can choose to help if they should wish.
Our wives are not our employees and are emotional creatures. We should not expect them to simply obey everything we ask of them but instead they should feel compelled to obey because of the love, care and attention we show them. This is why last week’s reminder was more detailed as the rights of the wife come first as we are the leaders which means we are the ones who set the example.
The Prophet SAWS spoke of the right of the husband in matters of intimacy. This hadith is translated to say:
“When a man calls his wife to come to his bed and she refuses and does not come to him and he spends the night angry, the angels curse her till the morning.”
But dear brothers, we need to play our part here also. Are we making it light work for her? Are we giving her time to beautify herself for us? Are we paying compliments to her? Are we buying her presents outside of the standard birthday, eid, anniversary occasions? These points are critical if we are to understand this hadith and to refer to it in context.
Dear brothers, we ought to relay our rights to our wives but be mindful that every right of ours comes with responsibility that we must fulfil also. Let us focus on our part first and insh’Allah the rest will come as a result of this.
Read MoreMarriage
Marriage, especially for Muslims, is a lot more than having someone to call a husband or wife. The marital relationship is an incredible blessing and divine sign. Allah SWT speaks of this in the Holy Quran as mentioned today by the imam in Sura Al-araf, ayat 189 which says:
It is He who created you from one soul and created from it its mate that he might dwell in security with her.
And Sura Al-Room, ayat 21 which says:
And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.
Dear brothers and sisters, the whole purpose of having a spouse is to find tranquillity in and with them; and our relationships with our spouses have signs that Allah SWT is asking us to give thought to.
The topic of marriage has always been something that has warranted discussion and advice. The Prophet SAWS was asked to share his wisdom on marriage and this is relayed in the following hadiths that were outlined by the imam today.
First one indicates the importance of marriage in which the Prophet SAWS said:
O young men, those among you who can support a wife should marry, for it restrains eyes (from casting evil glances) and preserves one from immorality; but he who cannot afford It should observe fast for it is a means of controlling the sexual desire.
We can learn from this hadith the clear benefits of marriage. It protects from illicit actions, a danger ever-present in today’s society. But alongside the individual, it protects the community from corruption, keeping ties in family intact, and promoting human growth in accordance with the laws of Islam.
And another in which the Prophet SAWS advised us on the criteria for looking for a spouse. This one is especially important to those of us looking to get married as we live evermore in a time of looks and status and so this hadith is a crucial reminder when it says:
A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status. her beauty and her religion, so try to get one who is religious.
Dear brothers and sisters, this hadith does not encourage the marriage of women just because of her looks, money or status. It is highlighting the criteria that is usually opted for.
However, the hadith ends by outlining the best option which is to marry those who are right with their religion.
Today’s reminder concludes with 3 practical reminders that ought to be reminded to everyone wishing tranquillity in their marriage.
- Love each other for the sake of Allah. This means to make the love and obedience of Allah SWT the basis and focus of your marriage. The Prophet SAWS said that the husband and wife are garments for each other. This means that without realising it, marriage does bring one closer to Allah SWT by removing temptations of sin, promoting kindness to one another and encouraging one another to do good.
- Be grateful for one another. Dear brothers and sisters, there is a fundamental human need in every man and woman, regardless of faith and that is to feel relevant and appreciated. And this is one of the most overlooked things in marriage and a cause of breakdown. We need to remind ourselves of the blessing that is our spouse. Make a habit of thanking your spouse for at least one specific thing each day with sincerity and thought and the feeling of gratitude will increase between one another insh’Allah.
- Eliminate the ego. Ego is the biggest threat to marriage because it is like an enemy within. It distorts reality and makes us justify the wrongs we commit and convince us we are right. Allah SWT has blessed us with a partner that will know us more intimately than any other. Therefore, if anyone is going to communicate to us on how to better ourselves, it is our garment, our spouse.
We must realise that our spouses are there with us through thick and thin. We should learn to grow alongside each other and accept observations on one another for the purpose of becoming better people and better Muslims. And this can only be done if the ego is eliminated between one another.
Dear brothers and sisters, marital happiness is not an end but a state; a state that can easily be achieved by just seeing marriage for what it really is: a means of attaining physical, emotional and spiritual tranquillity through the loving and merciful companionship of a spouse.
May Allah SWT bless our marriage. May Allah SWT bless our spouses and may Allah SWT reward us in our efforts to bring tranquillity to our marriage.
Read MoreMarriage in Islam
This week’s khutbah was on Marriage.
Marriage, especially for Muslims, is a lot more than having someone to call a husband or wife. The marital relationship is an incredible blessing and divine sign. Allah SWT speaks of this in the Holy Quran as mentioned today by the imam in Sura Al-araf, ayat 189 which says:
It is He who created you from one soul and created from it its mate that he might dwell in security with her.
And Sura Al-Room, ayat 21 which says:
And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought.
Dear brothers and sisters, the whole purpose of having a spouse is to find tranquillity in and with them; and our relationships with our spouses have signs that Allah SWT is asking us to give thought to.
The topic of marriage has always been something that has warranted discussion and advice. The Prophet SAWS was asked to share his wisdom on marriage and this is relayed in the following hadiths that were outlined by the imam today.
First one indicates the importance of marriage in which the Prophet SAWS said:
Whoever marries then has obtained half of his religion, and needs to be careful with the other half.
And another in which the Prophet SAWS advised us on the criteria for looking for a spouse. This one is especially important to those of us looking to get married as we live evermore in a time of looks and status and so this hadith is a crucial reminder when it says:
A woman may be married for four reasons: for her property, her status. her beauty and her religion, so try to get one who is religious.
Dear brothers and sisters, this hadith does not encourage the marriage of women just because of her looks, money or status, but instead the meaning is that this is the reason why people get married, as some will purely look for looks, others who would want the woman’s status in society such as her job or qualifications, and those who purely after a rich woman, but then you have others who look to marry those who are right with their religion, and this is the one that the Prophet SAWS has encouraged us to marry.
Today’s reminder concludes with 3 practical reminders that ought to be reminded to everyone wishing tranquillity in their marriage.
- Love each other for the sake of Allah. This means to make the love and obedience of Allah SWT the basis and focus of your marriage. The Prophet SAWS said that the husband and wife are garments for each other. This means that without realising it, marriage does bring one closer to Allah SWT by removing temptations of sin, promoting kindness to one another and encouraging one another to do good.
- Be grateful for one another. Dear brothers and sisters, there is a fundamental human need in every man and woman, regardless of faith and that is to feel relevant and appreciated. And this is one of the most overlooked things in marriage and a cause of breakdown. We need to remind ourselves of the blessing that is our spouse. And for those of us who are out of practice or culturally this practice seems alien to them, here’s a few points to be grateful for:
- For providing a roof to live under or alternatively making a house a home
- For buying you clothes to wear or alternatively making sure you have clean clothes to wear every day
- And for buying you the food to eat or alternatively cooking delicious meals for you to eat
Make a habit of thanking your spouse for at least one specific thing each day with sincerity and thought and the feeling of gratitude will increase between one another insh’Allah.
- They eliminate the ego. Ego is the biggest threat to marriage because it is like an enemy within. It distorts reality and makes us justify the wrongs we commit and convince us we are right. Allah SWT has blessed us with a partner that will know us more intimately than any other. Therefore, if anyone is going to communicate to us on how to better ourselves, it is our garment, our spouse. In fact, counsellors encourage this 4-step method to communicate to one another to help eliminate ego in each other.
- Listen carefully and objectively.
- Control the urge to go on the defensive.
- Ask yourself: “Has anyone pointed this out about me before?”
- And finally, realise how merciful Allah SWT is being to you through your spouse.
Our spouses are there with us through thick and thin. We should learn to grow alongside each other and accept observations on one another for the purpose of becoming better people and better Muslims. And this can only be done if the ego is eliminated between one another.
Dear brothers and sisters, marital happiness is not an end but a state; a state that can easily be achieved by just seeing marriage for what it really is: a means of attaining physical, emotional and spiritual tranquillity through the loving and merciful companionship of a spouse.
May Allah SWT bless our marriage. May Allah SWT bless our spouses and may Allah SWT reward us in our efforts to bring tranquillity to our marriage.
Read More