Marriage is a sacred and divine blessing that we have in this world. It is something which connects two souls in a union designed to support one another in their worship of Allah SWT.
Marriage should be considered a life-long commitment and divorce being the absolute final resort in a marriage that has attempted all other possibilities to resolve the difficulties it is facing. This is even more so when there are children involved as the impact a broken marriage has on children is great.
The Prophet SAWS put great emphasis on married life and on the importance of treatment between husband and wife. The imam mentioned the ayats in the Quran relating to today’s reminder. Firstly, the 21st ayat of Sura Ar-Rum which is translated to say:
And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.
And ayat 19 of Sura Nisa is translated to say:
O Believers! It is not lawful for you to become heirs to women against their will. It is not lawful that you should put constraint upon them that you may take away anything of what you have given them; (you may not put constraint upon them) unless they are guilty of brazenly immoral conduct. Live with your wives in a good manner. If you dislike them in any manner, it may be that you dislike something in which Allah has placed much good for you.
Dear brothers, we can see the importance of this relationship and our role in this relationship. Alongside these Quranic references, the imam mentioned a hadith of the Prophet SAWS in which he educated us by saying:
“The most perfect man in his faith among the believers is the one whose behaviour is most excellent; and the best of you are those who are the best to their wives.”
And so, dear brothers this reminder today concludes with 3 tips that we can all apply today to be better husbands to our wives.
- Be a friend first in your marriage. This means to show her tenderness, your vulnerabilities, to respect her and to empathise with her. This requires showing emotion to her dear brothers, we are not dictators in the marriage but instead leaders that are meant to inspire our wives to be the best that they can be.
- Have taqwa and ihsan. This means to know that you are responsible for your end of the marriage, regardless of how your spouse treats you. If something angers or upsets you, turn to Allah SWT in prayer instead of retaliating with your wife. Learn to fulfil your wives rights before demanding your own. Learn to put her fard before your nafl acts. For example, helping her next month during Ramadan if you see she is struggling, instead of leaving her to do it all and coming to pray Taraweeh prayers. This is also part of the compassion we need to show our wives.
- Learn practical tips on keeping the marriage healthy. From conflict resolution tactics to small gifts without reason, the marriage can be treated like a living thing that needs feeding, nurturing and taking care of. Within this, intimacy is important for both husband and wife so we need to be mindful that regardless of how busy our lives are, we do not deprive one another of this part of our responsibility in marriage too. Any brothers needing information on this, I can offer further support and advice.
Dear brothers, to be a good husband isn’t a sign of weakness. Unfortunately we are often told that we must be manly in front of our wives. Let us not fall into the trap of mistaking this for chauvinism. We have, in the Prophet SAWS, the best role model to follow. He was the best husband and so we need to model that behaviour in our relationship with our spouses.